


I Always Liked This Look on You

by AnimeDad



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 15:05:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19726099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeDad/pseuds/AnimeDad
Summary: After college, Kanan opens up a sushi restaurant in Numazu, and Ruby is a regular customer. When she finds out business isn't going well, she does what she can to help.





	1. Chapter 1

I keep one eye on the clock in the corner of my monitor as I wrap up the work for the day. It’s not like we’re in crunch time or anything, so I don’t think anyone would mind if I left on time, would they? Today is a special day after all. The clock strikes 6, and some of my seniors, especially those with families begin to pack their things and head home. 

“Kurosawa-san, I’ll be heading off now.” 

“Good work today!” I respond. 

I hammer out the last couple sentences of my report, and send it to my manager. I’m sure she’ll find mistakes. She always does. I quietly sneak off, and say goodbye to the few stragglers who are just as desperate as me to leave. After all, today is payday. That one magical day of each month where the whole world is yours. That is, before bills and other necessities take it all away. I ride the train home, giddy with anticipation of my payday treat. The get off at Numazu Station. Normally I would get directly on the bus home, but today is my day. I make my way down the main street, memories of my days as a school idol filling me as I walk down. Precious memories that will never fade. I make my way to the docks, past all the other seafood restaurants with their tempting smells of grilled oysters into a sushi shop, where I’m greeted by a familiar face.

“Ah, Ruby. Welcome, have a seat wherever you like.” greets Kanan, currently cutting away at a sumptuous block of tuna. 

I take my usual spot at the counter, as Kanan stops what she’s doing and hands me a warm towel. 

“So should I get you the usual then?” Kanan asks. 

“Please and thank you,” I respond. 

Despite us all going our separate ways after our time as school idols, it’s amazing how many of us came back. My big sister naturally had to inherit the family business, but Kanan decided to come back as a sushi chef of all things. I guess this is one way of showing your love of the ocean. As I reminisce, a delicious looking plate of fish appears before me. I look up into Kanan’s gentle blue eyes. 

“Sorry for the wait, enjoy.” she says as she hands it to me. 

I go one by one, savoring each piece, the flavor of each better than the last. I take my time there, enjoying both the food and the atmosphere. Kanan hasn’t changed a bit since our school idol days. There’s a grace to all her movements, no matter whether she’s preparing or serving the food. And of course, she still keeps her hair in her trademark ponytail, which swishes and follows all her movements as she moves from task to task around the restaurant. I’ve tried changing my look since high school though. I’ve learned to walk in heels (I’m still the shortest in the office by a longshot), and stopped wearing my hair in pigtails. I wish I could grow it as long as my sister, but it will never look as good as hers. A few customers come in for a quick bite, a drink or two, but don’t linger around very long, so it’s mostly just me and Kanan. We mostly reminisce about old times, laughing at the same jokes and stories from our past. Following Aqours' victory at the Love Live in Kanan’s final year of high school, Numazu became somewhat of a pilgrimage spot for other aspiring school idols. The walls are littered with photographs and signed CDs from school idols from all over the country who were inspired by our success and came to pay their respects when they learned Kanan came back to Numazu to open up her shop. There were quite a few people who came when the shop first opened, but looking at the dates on the photos, you could see those numbers began to wane as the years went by.

Eventually it comes back to the way the evening started, just me and Kanan. She’s beginning to put things away and close up shop for the night, as I nurse my mikan sour. She knows I can’t handle my alcohol very well, so she makes them nice and light, just the way I like them. 

“So how’s work these days?” Kanan asks as she wipes down the counter. 

“It’s the same old, but it’s not bad. At least it’s close to home, so I’m near everyone, and I can save money on rent.” 

“Eh, so what are you planning on doing with all that money you’re saving? Gonna take a big trip? Saving for your dream wedding perhaps?” she says with a mischievous smile. I nearly spit out my drink at that last part. 

“N-n-no way, it’s much too early for me” 

Kanan giggles at my exaggerated reaction. I lean back in my chair and stare at the ceiling.

“Nothing in particular I guess. At least not for now. It’s great that you were able to find a dream and follow through on it Kanan. You have your own business, and nobody’s the boss of you. Must be nice.” Kanan smiles back at me. 

“Yeah, it’s an experience alright. I don’t regret it at all.” I notice a sadness to her words as she says this. I wonder what that’s all about. I hear the door behind me slide open. Kanan instinctively responds. 

“Oh, welcome, we’re closing up soon, but you can still order drinks if you wa-” She cuts herself short when she sees the face at the door. 

Prim and proper as always, my sister Dia walks in. “As much as I’d love to, I’m afraid I’m here tonight on business.” Kanan’s expression tenses. 

“I have a customer here Dia, it’s going to have to wait.” 

“Ruby is family. I don’t mind including her in my affairs.” 

“Well this is still my restaurant, and I say that it can wait,” she says as she slams the washcloth on the table. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. I try to defuse the situation as best I can. 

“Umm, I don’t really mind. It’s important, right Kanan? Please go ahead.” Kanan lets out a resigned sigh and gives me a soft smile. 

“If you say so. Do you mind watching the shop for a minute then Ruby? It won’t be long. C’mon Dia, let’s go to the back.” 

She tilts her head towards the door to her office at the back of the restaurant, and my sister nods and follows her there. I’m left alone in the restaurant, the soft whir of the air conditioning the only sound around me. I hear muffled bits of conversation from the other side of the door, but can’t make out any of it. My curiosity getting the better of me, I sneak over and listen in.

“That’s another month in the red. You can’t keep this up you know.” I hear Dia say. 

“It’ll be summer soon, things always pick up in summer.” Kanan replies 

“Yes, but tourism is still on the decline. It won’t be anywhere close to last year or the year before.” 

“Dia, please. I can’t give up this shop.” 

“Kanan, I’m saying this to you not as your accountant, but as your friend. I’ve been keeping tabs on all the businesses around here, and we’re all hurting. The school idol tourism boom might have revitalized Numazu for a short amount of time, but those days are long over. It might be time to throw in the towel. You can go back to the diving shop right? The diving business is still pretty stable. There's no shame in it." 

"Dia, I love this shop. I love this area. I can't give up just yet." 

"Very well, I know I can't change your mind, but there's a business who's interested in this piece of real estate. A pudding shop I believe. I'd say their offer is more than fair in this economy." 

"Pudding, huh." Kanan says teasingly. "So that's why you're so insistent I close up shop." 

"I would never do anything like that, and you know it," Dia responds sternly. 

"As serious as ever. Some things never change," Kanan replies with a chuckle. "I'll give it some thought but don't expect my answer to change."

I hear the sound of chairs shifting inside the office, and I let out a muffled "piggi" as I scuttle back to my original seat. The two of them exit the office with stern expressions on their face. 

"Come now Ruby, we're going home. I'll call us a cab. How much was her bill Kanan? I'll cover that too." 

"Don't worry about it. On the house. Let's call that your consultation fee." 

_ No, I can't be eating for free. Not when Kanan is suffering like this. _

Before I can interject, my sister opens up her purse and pulls out a crisp 10,000 yen bill. 

"I must insist," she says as she slides the bill across the counter towards Kanan. She takes the bill with a sigh and opens the register to get Dia her change. 

"Her drinks are on me though. Just a customer loyalty bonus." She smiles softly and winks at me as she says this. 

"As you wish." Dia says dryly. "Let's wait outside for the taxi. It'll be here in a moment." Dia heads for the door as I start getting my things together. Kanan goes back to cleaning up the shop. As I walk outside, I turn around towards Kanan. 

"Um, Kanan." 

She looks up at me curiously. "Ganbaruby." I say flexing my arms in that pose for the first time in ages. Taken completely aback, Kanan looks at me blankly for a moment before letting out the warmest laugh I have heard all evening, and responds in kind. 

"Ganbaruby."


	2. Chapter 2

Me and my sister ride back most of the way in complete silence. I don’t think she knows that I was snooping on her conversation with Kanan, but I really want to know more. After a long time, she’s the one to break the tension. 

“Tell me Ruby, are you happy?” she asks, staring out the window at the deep black sea. 

“Wh-what?” I respond, a little bit confused by the suddenness of it all. 

“Are you happy? With your job, with your life in Uchiura. Don’t you want more?” 

I stare at my feet, clicking my heels together as I try to think of a good answer. “I’m okay. Work is interesting enough, and I like it here. I-I think I belong here.” A long pause. The whole time, Dia not once stops looking out at the ocean. 

“I see, well if that’s really the case, that’s all I need to hear.” Another long pause. This time, I’m the one to break the silence. 

“What about you onee-chan. Are you happy?” Dia turns away, and looks down at her hands. 

“Ruby, I love this town and everyone who lives in it. This town is what brought Mari, Kanan, and I together. It’s what brought Aqours together, and what helped bring out the best in us, what made us shine. I know that moment is long gone, but I want to protect that legacy. Uranohoshi might be gone, but the feelings and memories are still around. That’s why I work so hard for this city. Not just for the Kurosawa family, but for all the families and businesses. Happy might not be the right word for it, but I am satisfied.” As always, she had put a lot more thought into this than I did. I can’t think of a single thing to say back to her. Her hand slides into my field of vision as she places it on my own. 

“Ruby,” she says, as I turn my gaze to meet hers. “You can be anything you want to be. Go wherever you want to go. I can handle things here just fine on my own. Please, live the life that you want to live. If not for your sake, for mine, okay?” 

I nod, still at a loss for words. Just as she finishes, the taxi pulls up to our home. We make our way inside in near complete silence. The moment I close the door to my room, I burrow under the covers, not even bothering to change out of my work clothes. I’m too overwhelmed by the events of today. I don’t know how many hours pass before my head stops swimming and I drift off to sleep. 

I’m awoken the following morning by the sound of birds chirping. I don’t even know what time it is. Thank goodness it’s a Saturday, or I would have been in serious trouble at work. I look down and realize I’m still in my clothes from yesterday. I bolt out of bed and change before leaving my room. The last thing I want is for my sister to see me looking slovenly. I make my way to the kitchen, and along the way see Dia in the living room, slews of ledgers and paperwork nearly arranged on the table. Next to her, she has her laptop open, consulting a complex looking spreadsheet that I would never understand in a million years. She looks up at me, as the wood beneath my feet creaks. 

“Oh Ruby, good morning.” She says, adjusting her dainty, half-moon reading glasses. I meekly nod, and return her greeting. No matter how hard she works, it looks like her job is never over, not even on weekends or holidays. She goes back to her work, jotting a few notes in one of the books, typing a few numbers on her computer. She has so much on her plate, I have no idea how she manages. I grab a quick bite and prepare a cup of tea for her. She didn’t ask for it, but I know she won’t say no. I bring it over to her, and she accepts it with a nod, taking off her glasses as she stops for a break. 

“Any plans today?” She asks between sips of tea. 

“Hmm, nothing in particular. Do you need any help with anything onee-chan?” Dia pauses, going through her mental checklist. 

“If you really have nothing better to do, please take this to Awashima Island.” she says as she reaches for one of the accounting books on the table. “You don’t need to go all the way to the island. Just hand it to the boat captain, and they’ll know exactly who to give it to. It’s not urgent, but please try to get it done some time today.” I take the hard bound book from her. 

“Ok, I’ll be off then. Just call me if you need anything else.” Dia nods with a smile, finishes her tea and gets right back to work. 

I slowly make my way to the dock that serves Awashima on foot. It’s a nice spring morning, and I enjoy the salty smell of the sea breeze. I pass so many familiar sights. The aquarium where we all worked part time, the beach in front of Chika’s house. It was never a bustling area, but it somehow all feels quieter now. I arrive at the docks, and hand the ledger to the boat captain. One look, and he knows exactly who it is for. I stare at the island. Another place that is filled with memories. Something about it compels me. I ask the captain how much for a ride over, and he waves it off. No point in charging the locals, he reasons. After disembarking, I slowly walk around the island, and look up at the stairs to the shrine at the top. These stairs hold so many memories. This is where I first resolved to be a school idol. I don’t know why, but I climb onto the first step. Then another. And another. My walk turns into a jog, my jog into a run. I’m climbing the steps with all my might like old times. It’s harder now than it was back then, but I force myself to keep going. I keep running and running until I reach the top, completely out of breath, my legs wobbling like jelly. I bend over panting, when all of a sudden, something cold touches my cheek. I jump back in surprise, and look up to see a familiar face.

“Good hustle there.” says Kanan, extending a water bottle towards me. I take it from her, and chug it down greedily, nearly choking on it as I do. “Wow now.” she says, rubbing my back as I cough. Having mostly caught my breath, I look up at her. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask. 

“What do you mean, what am I doing here?” she responds, tilting her head curiously. “My folks still run the diving shop, so I come to help out from time to time.” 

“That’s not what I mean. Why are you up here, on this mountain?” I respond, still somewhat exasperated and confused by the whole situation. 

“Oh, that’s what you mean. Well this is a special spot for all of us. And there’s nothing like a run to clear one’s head.” she says wistfully. I look up at her, the wind blowing through her hair, lifting her ponytail up behind her. I want to tell her. I can’t keep it bottled up inside anymore. The guilt will eat me alive if I do otherwise. 

“Kanan,” I say as I look her straight in the eyes. “Please teach me how to make sushi.” A long silence follows. 

“Huh?” she responded in complete bewilderment.


	3. Chapter 3

_ What am I doing here. Why am I in the kitchen with Kanan. _

It all happened so fast. I wanted to talk to her about what I overheard with my sister, but I must have been more tired than I thought and the words came out all wrong. Once the initial surprise wore off, she was so elated by the idea of it all that she nearly dragged me back down the mountain with her. We’re borrowing the kitchen of one of the restaurants on the island that specializes in kaisen-dons. They’re actually a little short staffed today, so the owners looked like an angel had descended upon them when Kanan walked through the front door. Right now Kanan is washing her hands. She thoroughly scrubs every square centimeter of her long delicate fingers with soap and hot water. She doesn’t miss a spot, even making sure to clean under her nails. After all these years she must have this down to an art form. After drying her hands, she beckons to me to do the same. I try imitating her the best I can. I feel her gaze behind me. I hope she’s not judging me. 

“Let me guess, you didn’t get your fill last night, and you woke up this morning craving sushi again. Am I right?” she asks cooly. 

“Y-yes. Y-you got it.” I respond. I still don’t have the guts to say that this is all a mistake. I turn around and I see Kanan wielding a knife, carefully looking at it from all angles, inspecting the edge, admiring its reflection off the fluorescent lights above. She deftly spins it around and hands it to me handle first. 

“Usually, I’d start with the rice, but the store’s got plenty made so we can move on straight to the fish. Think you can handle it?” Oh, what the heck, it’s not like I have anything else planned today. I silently give her my old Ganbaruby pose and a strong nod, and she responds with a wink. She grabs another knife from the block and lays out a long slab of yellowtail on the cutting board. 

“First, I’ll show you how it’s done, then you try.” she says to me. Her words go in one ear and out the other. I’m entranced by how elegant she looks while cutting the fish. Every piece neatly and evenly slides off the knife as if the whole thing had been precut. She never looks like she’s straining herself or forcing the fish to her will. I’ve seen her do this countless times at the restaurant but never up close like this. Much like when dancing, Kanan is in complete control of every fiber of her body. This truly is her art. She gets half-way through and wipes her brow with her forearm. 

“Hmm, not my best work, since I’m not using my usual knife, but you get the idea. Now you try.” 

_ Oh no, I hadn’t been listening to a word she said. I’m going to mess this up. Just do as she did and it’ll be fine. I hope. _

I step up to the cutting board and take a deep breath. Nothing to be afraid of. As I’m about to make my first incision, Kanan stops me. 

“Wait a second.” she says as she rummages through one of the drawers, pulling out a pair of hair ties. She grabs the hair on my left side and ties it up, followed by the right side. “Your hair is getting a bit long. Last thing I would like is for it to get in your eyes while you’re working and you cutting yourself. Besides,” she says as she rests her hands on my shoulders. “I always liked this look on you.” My previous tension fades away, but it’s replaced by something new. A combination of embarrassment and joy. 

I look at the block of fish in front of me and approach it with my knife. Just like Kanan did it. I try to cut the fish, but it’s nowhere near as easy as it looks. I try putting a bit more force, sawing at the the fish, but the knife gets stuck and it cuts completely unevenly. 

_ Oh god, what am I even doing. _

I hear a voice whisper to me. 

“Let me show you one more time.” Kanan slides her hands over mine to guide my movements. She presses her chest onto my back as she leans her head over my shoulder. I am enveloped by the warmth of her body as she moves my arms along with hers. She’s still a little sweaty from her run, but I don’t particularly mind. 

“You just need to find the right angle, and take it in one swift motion. Easy does it.” she says, her hot breath tickling my ear. 

As she helps me cut, I notice that her palms are rough with calluses. Years of managing the shop on her own have made her hands tough and leathery. Yet from a distance they always looked so soft. This is proof of how much she sacrificed to get to where she is now. I go into a daze. Soon I look down and realize that Kanan’s hands are gone and the fish is all neatly sliced up. I guess I finished the rest on my own. I look back towards Kanan who is beaming with pride. 

“Well done, ready to move on to the next one?” she says as she pats a filet of salmon fresh from the fridge. 

I smile back at her. 

“Of course!” 

We go through each of the fish they have in stock one by one. Kanan gives me little tips and tricks for handling each of them, and how to best bring out the flavor. Kanan looks so excited to pass down her knowledge to someone. It’s a completely different experience from when I’m in her shop as a customer. Once all our ingredients are ready, we move on from cutting to arranging the bowls. She furrows her brow as she prepares the first one. I’m rather puzzled by this, and she notices the look on my face. She giggles nervously. 

“Actually, I’m not very good at this part. The taste is fine, but it never looks as appetizing as I’d like it to. It’s why I stick to simple nigiri and rolls at my own place.” 

I laugh a little at this revelation. And here I thought Kanan was perfect at everything. 

“Let me try.” I say feeling determined. One by one I grab the different pieces of seafood and place them in the bowl, trying to find a nice balance of color, size, and shape. I look at my first completed kaisen-don. Kanan gently leans onto my shoulder. 

“Eh, not bad for a first timer. Think you can help me take care of the rest?” I nod eagerly as Kanan prepares the rice, and I arrange the fish. As soon as I finish each one, a waitress grabs the bowl and takes it out to a hungry customer waiting just on the other side. As the lunch rush winds down, Kanan hands me one last bowl to prepare. I finish it, but nobody comes to take it away. I look around anxiously. Kanan pulls over a pair of stools as she tosses me a towel to clean my hands with. 

“That one... is for you,” she says with a satisfied sigh. “You came here because you wanted sushi, didn’t you?” 

“Th-that’s right.” I respond, remembering our earlier conversation. I pat my pockets nervously, realizing I had left my wallet at home. “But, I don’t have any money on me. I can’t pay for this.” 

Kanan lightly ruffles my hair. 

“Don’t worry about it. You earned this one. Now eat up.” she says as she passes me some soy sauce and a pair of chopsticks. I’m not sure if I’ve ever had better seafood in my life.

Kanan walks back to the docks with me, and we both board the ship to the mainland. After we disembark, we spend a last moment together in the parking lot. 

“Thank you for teaching me today. I… I really enjoyed that.” I say. 

“No problem Ruby. I had fun teaching you too. You’re a great student.” 

“Do… do you think we could do this again sometime? Making sushi I mean.” 

Kanan gives me a fond smile. 

“Sure. Next time, let’s use my place, okay? Speaking of which, it’s about time for me to open up shop. Do you need a ride home. It’s no trouble.” She pulls out her car keys and jangles them. 

“No, that’s okay. It’s not far, I can walk.” I bow and run off, occasionally looking back to see her waving me off. I jog home, a slight spring in my step. It’s been a while since I felt this fulfilled. I compose myself as I walk through the front door. On my way back to my room, I pass by the living room, where Dia is still in the middle of her work, her stacks of ledgers slightly rearranged compared to this morning. 

“Oh Ruby, you’re back. Thank you for taking care of that delivery.” 

“Yes, wasn’t a problem at all.” I say nodding.

“I’m glad.” Dia replies somewhat curtly. She looks back down at her work, and before I can take another step, she looks back up at me. 

“Ruby.” 

“Yes!” I reply, somewhat startled. 

“You tied your hair up again. It’s nice. I always liked that look on you.” 

“Th-thank you.” I say, feeling a little embarrassed. Her words are almost the same as Kanan’s. Eerily so in fact. Yet why is the feeling so different?


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next couple months I spend more and more time with Kanan. I still come as a customer every payday as per my original tradition, but also start coming as a student on my days off. Some days she shows me how to work behind the counter, others I join her early in the morning at the fish market, where she introduces me to the local fishmongers and teaches me how to pick out the best catches of the day. I even start seeing her on workdays too. If I find out she’ll be spending the night at her parents’ place, I’ll join her for her morning run like in the old days. Usually my sister is up at the crack of dawn, but on those days I’m awake before her, which really took her by surprise the first time I came back drenched in sweat while she was preparing her morning cup of tea. Dia knows I’m spending more and more time with Kanan, but never really pried into the details. Meanwhile, I still haven’t brought up that I know about the trouble Kanan is having with her shop. As the months pass, that gets piled under so many other memories I’m making that it seems less and less important.

One Saturday afternoon in the summer, I’m in Kanan’s shop while she’s preparing to open up, and I see her sharpening her knife. I remember back to our first lesson where she talked about how her work doesn’t come out quite right without her own knife. 

“Hey Kanan,” I ask rubbing my hands together skittishly, “is that knife of yours really that special.” 

“Oh this?” She responds, lifting it off the whetstone. “This was a gift from Mari.” 

My eyes grow wide. After all these years of coming here, this is the first I’ve heard of this. Kanan leans back against the wall, and looks up at the ceiling. 

“Back when I first decided to open this shop, Mari wanted to pay for the whole thing. But I wanted this to be something I made on my own, so I refused. Yet she insisted that she had to contribute somehow. She wanted to get me something. Something that I would treasure for my whole career, so I agreed that she buy me my knife. But even then, Mari being Mari, she went out and tried to commission a master artisan, but I insisted we stay local.” 

I giggle at the thought of this. I can imagine Mari hounding some old craftsman for a legendary blade. 

“I like that story.” I say as I lean my chin into my hands. I look up at the clock, and realize it’s almost time for her to open up shop. “Oh, I should be getting out of your way now.” I say as I start to gather my things. 

“You can stay.” 

“What?” 

“You can stay. I think you’ve learned enough that you should be able to help out. If you don’t mind that is.” 

I mull over it for a moment. It’s not like I have anything else planned this evening. I turn to Kanan and bow and in an exaggerated tone, as if from a student to her master.

“If you’ll have me.” She laughs at my dumb joke, and we both get to washing up.

The evening goes by in a flash. Saturdays are relatively speaking the busiest nights, as that’s when most of the tourists come in. I barely did anything compared to Kanan, but I’m somehow completely wiped. I’m sitting at the counter, face down, enjoying the cool sensation of the laquered wood against my forehead. She hands me a glass of water, and I down it in one go. 

“You did great.” she says as she takes the glass and refills it for me. I slowly sip at it this time. It’s gotten quite late. I really should head home. Dia must be starting to worry. I stand up and start to head for the door. 

“Wait,” says Kanan, lightly grabbing my wrist. She’s blushing a little. “Can I ask you to stay just a little bit longer. There’s one more thing I want to ask of you.” I nod without saying a word. I wonder what it could be.

Next thing I know, I’m in her apartment which is located above the shop. It’s fairly modest, with a few framed photos of her family and Aqours on the walls. I sit on the sofa caressing a stuffed dolphin as she changes out of her work clothes in her bedroom. She comes out wearing a simple tank top and shorts and makes her way to the kitchen. She beckons me to wait just a minute more. I stare around as I hear her rummaging around in there. I had visited a few times before, but never stayed very long. She comes back carrying an expensive looking bottle of sake and two small glasses. She sits on the sofa next to me and places the bottle on the table. 

“Actually that knife wasn’t the only present I received from our friends when I opened the shop. Hanamaru gave me this bottle of sake. Turns out her grandfather was a bit of a connoisseur, and helped her pick this one out. Told me to save it for a special occasion, and I figure tonight is as special as any.” She opens the bottle and gives it a whiff. She pours herself a glass, and pours me a smaller one. She hands me mine. 

“Cheers.” she says as we clink them together. 

I take a sip. There’s a mellow sweetness to it. It’s quite nice. 

“Wow, Hanamaru’s grandpa sure had some good taste.” says Kanan as she finishes the rest of her drink. I follow suit, not wanting to feel left behind. She pours herself another one, and I extend my glass to hers, asking for another. 

“You sure?” she asks, knowing that my tolerance isn’t very high. 

“It’s a special night for me too,” I respond with a grin. “I want to celebrate with you.” 

Kanan smiles back and pours me a full glass.

We continue for a few more rounds. I can’t tell you how many glasses I had, but my head is swimming from the alcohol. I try to stand up, but I lose my balance and flop back down on the couch, where Kanan catches me. 

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough.” she says as she helps me sit up straight. 

“I’m fine. Just fine~.” I say slurring my words. I feel so warm. 

“Oh man, Dia is going to kill me.” Kanan mutters to herself. She tries to stand up to get something but I grab onto her. 

“No, stay.” I grab onto her and bury my face in her bosom. Between the alcohol, the weather, and Kanan’s body, everything feels so hot. Suffocatingly so. But I don’t mind. Kanan holds me against her. 

“There, there. Everything is going to be okay.” she says, rubbing the back of my head. Part of me wants to simply enjoy the moment, but then I remember back to that night between Kanan and Dia. I feel a deep pit in my stomach. 

“Kanan, is everything going to be okay?” I ask. 

“You’ll be fine. This too will pass.” she says. 

“I’m not talking about me. Will you be okay? Will your shop be okay?” I reply, my head still against her chest, her heartbeat and mine reverberating in my ears. 

“Wh-what are you talking about. Everything is fi-” I cut her off. 

“I know. I’ve known for a long time. I overheard the conversation between you and Dia.” I begin to sob. “I knew this whole time, but I didn’t want to say anything. Because I was so happy just being with you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I say, as the tears begin to soak her top. 

“Ruby,” Kanan says as she pushes me away slightly and lifts my chin up so that her gaze meets mine. We stare at each other for a moment, or perhaps hours, I can’t be sure. She pulls me in and tenderly presses her lips against mine. I don’t resist. Maybe this is what I wanted to begin with. She pulls away, and embraces me. 

“Thank you,” she whispers into my ear as I feel her tears roll down my neck.


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up in a room that’s not my own.

 _Where am I? Why does my whole body feel so heavy?_

I try to think back to the night before. First I was helping Kanan at her restaurant, then we came up for a drink, and then… I touch my lips. The sensations from last night comes back to me. I remember now. I finally told Kanan I knew her store was in trouble. And then… that happened. I look down and realize I’m wearing a t-shirt that’s way too big on me. Right, I do remember changing before going to bed. This blanket is really warm. Why is Kanan still using such a heavy blanket in the middle of summer? I try to toss it off, but the blanket murmurs and wraps around me tighter. 

_What in the world?_

An arm that doesn’t belong to me slides along my waist. I look down at my toes and see four feet. I begin to process my situation, but I need to be sure. I turn my head and see another face on the pillow beside me. Kanan is fast asleep, cradling me in her arms. I bolt up in surprise. 

_How much did I have to drink? Was she good? Was I good?_

My sudden movements must have woken her up as Kanan groans and stretches as she slowly opens her eyes. 

“Good morning.” she says sleepily. 

“G-good morning?” I reply, my eyes darting around, still trying to process the situation. 

Kanan sits up groggily and reaches for a bottle of water next to the bed. She takes a long swig before pointing it to me. I take it from her and take a few sips. As the bottle makes contact with my lips, the memory of our kiss comes back in full force.

“Um… Kanan… About last night...” I say, starting down at the bottle, swishing its contents back and forth. 

Kanan thinks for a moment dreamily before opening her eyes wide, now fully awake. She looks away, also trying to avoid eye contact. 

“Yeah about that… Sorry, I shouldn’t have let you drink that much.” 

“N-no. That’s partially my fault too.” I respond nervously. “So-so what happened last night...?” I ask sheepishly, feeling my ears turning red. 

“Well you were in no condition to go home, so I took you to bed. And then...” 

“And then...?” I ask curiously. 

“And then you wouldn’t stop crying unless I stayed by your side, so I stayed.” 

“And then...?” 

“And then we woke up?” she says flatly, clearly not following my train of thought. 

“So we didn’t...” I whisper, fidgeting. 

“Didn’t… what?” she says, but suddenly jumps out of bed, finally realizing what I was implying. “N-n-no. No! N-nothing h-happened.” she stammers out. “We both went straight to sleep. Honest. I had had a bit too much too.” 

I turn around to see her up against the wall, her face bright red. I climb out of bed and walk up to her. I look up to try and make eye contact, but she’s looking up and away, still flustered. 

“Hey Kanan, before that though. While we were on the sofa...” she looks down at me, finally able to look me in the eye. 

“Yes. That did happen. I guess I should apologize, that was a bit bold of me.” 

I close my eyes and shake my head slowly. 

“No, I don’t mind. In fact, I’m glad. I think a part of me wanted that for a long time. A very long time.” I say clutching at the ends of the shirt I’m wearing. Kanan is speechless. 

“I see.” she says after a moment as she puts her hand on my head, pulling my gaze up towards hers. We get lost in each others’ eyes. This is fine. I stand up on my tip toes, bringing my face closer to hers. We kiss again. Kanan practically lifts me off the ground as she pulls me into her embrace. Her hands begin to explore my body. Despite the calluses, their touch somehow feels so gentle. Her finger slides along the small of my back, sending shivers down my spine. A nibble on my earlobe makes me wince in pleasure. 

“They’re so very alike.” I hear Kanan whisper as she pulls the shirt over my head. For just a moment, I wonder who she’s talking about, but quickly forget as I let her have her way with me.

Our relationship continues like this through the summer, and into autumn. Despite starting as a misunderstanding, I did take a genuine interest in sushi preparation, so I continue to help at her restaurant every weekend. As the weeks went by, my stamina improved, and she entrusted me with more and more important tasks. My favorite parts of those weekends though are at night after closing up shop, when it’s just the two of us in her apartment, quietly enjoying each others’ company, or getting more intimate. Even though my sister knows we’ve gotten closer recently, I still haven’t had the guts to tell her the full extent of our relationship. Maybe one day, but for now I want to enjoy the thrill of it. I feel such a sense of belonging being in Kanan’s life like this. I never want this to end.

One brisk morning, I wake up in Kanan’s bed feeling unusually cold. She usually heats up the bed so well. I look around and see that she’s gone. Must have gotten up before me and started her day. I pull a blanket over my shoulders and sleepily walk into the living room to find her sitting on the sofa, rubbing ointment onto her hands, putting special care into her joints and wrist. She extends her hand out, bending and extending each finger with a serious look on her face. I’ve been seeing her do this more and more often in the mornings, especially as it’s gotten colder. I sneak up beside her on the sofa and lean into her, still wrapped up in the blanket. 

“Good morning,” she says, pulling me in closer with her other arm. I snuggle up against her. This is the warmth I was looking for. I reach out my hand for her outstretched one. Her hands are so much larger than mine. We touch our palms, and I her hand recoils ever so slightly. Just a few millimeters but I still notice it. She reaches for some medicine and a glass of water next to her and takes the pills not once letting go of me. I look up at her. She sees the concern in my eyes. 

“Just a slight headache. Don’t worry about it.” I do as she tells me and pull myself in closer. I close my eyes as I enjoy this tender moment between the two of us.

I’m rudely awoken by a knock at the door. We both jump at the sound. Looks like Kanan must have dozed off too. 

“Coming!” she says as she pries herself away from me. She signals me to wait there. Kanan unlocks the door and is dead silent for a moment. “Oh.” she says flatly. 

The couch is in the corner of the room, so the front door isn’t visible from it, but I immediately know who's at the door from their voice. 

“Good morning Kanan. We had a meeting scheduled for this morning, but you weren’t in your restaurant. Don’t tell me you forgot.” 

Kanan laughs nervously. “Good morning Dia. I just overslept. Sorry, give me a second to change and I’ll be right down.” 

“There’s no need, I have everything we need right here with me. We can meet here.” I hear Kanan slam her arm across the doorframe, blocking my sister from entering. 

“N-no, really. I insist. I won’t be able to concentrate if we meet up here.” 

“In that case, let me at least come in while you change. It’s awfully cold this morning.” Dia responds impatiently. She lets out a smug laugh. “Don’t tell me you have a special guest over Kanan,” she asks teasingly. 

“Well...” Kanan responds. Kanan is trying so desperately to hide our relationship from Dia. I don’t think she can keep it up much longer. Maybe it’s best to come clean now. I stand up and creep towards the front door. Both their heads turn towards me. 

“G-good morning onee-chan.” Dia’s eyes grow wide with shock. I realize I’m woefully underdressed, and I wrap the blanket tightly around myself to maintain at least a little modesty. Her eyes sharpen with a cold anger. 

“Change and get your things. We’re leaving.” she says icily. Usually when Dia gets angry it’s loud and explosive. But not now. There’s a venom to her rage this time. 

“Wait, I can explain-” I begin, but she cuts me off. 

“Now.” she says, not even looking in my direction. 

Kanan nods to me apologetically, guilt and sadness clouding her eyes. I go back to the bedroom and find my clothes. I get changed as fast as I can, and head out the door with my sister. Kanan doesn’t break eye contact with me for a moment as she shuts the door between us.

The taxi ride back is quieter and more awkward than normal. As usual Dia is the one to break the silence. 

“How long has this been going on for?” 

“Since summer.” 

“So this is where you’ve been going every weekend.” she says curtly. 

“Yes.” I respond, the guilt consuming me. 

“And...” she begins awkwardly. “how far have you gone?” My silence says more than I ever could. Neither of us say a word for a few more minutes before I muster the courage to say something. 

“Dia, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me and Kanan. I don’t have a good excuse, but it’s all my fault. So please. Please don’t hate Kanan.” 

Her facade cracks at this. 

“Oh Ruby, you of all people should know I could never hate Kanan.” she says, her lower lip quivering. “Ruby, I know you love Kanan, but please be careful. She might not mean to, but she always hurts the people closest to her.” 

“What are you talking about?” I respond in confusion. 

“Ruby, do you think you’re the first person who’s ever been in love with Kanan?” She turns towards me and I can see the tears welling up in her eyes. 

_Was my sister the one Kanan was talking about that one time?_

“When was this?” I ask, even though I know it’s none of my business. 

“On and off since high school.” She responds, baring her heart to me. “I think the first time was after Mari left. We were both so lonely without her, but it didn’t last. Most recently was about a year ago I think. That’s when she decided that we were done for good.” She sighs. “Being in my position can be so stressful and isolating at times. Sometimes you need someone to hold you tight and assure you that everything will be alright. Someone to make you feel safe. And nobody in the world is better at this than Kanan.” she says, as she clutches her shoulders, a tear running down her cheek as bittersweet memories resurface. She takes my hands. “Ruby, I love both you and Kanan very much. And I know that you’ve admired her since we were very young. But please, the pain isn’t worth it. I don’t want you to get hurt the same way I have.” 

I look at Dia’s expression. There’s a complex mixture of concern, longing, and maybe a hint of jealousy. I can’t find the right words to respond, and simply nod. She gives me a small tearful smile, not once letting go of my hands. The taxi arrives home, and we enter together in silence. I go to my room and spend the day lying around in a daze. Evening arrives and there’s a knock at my door. I slide over, still emotionally drained, and open the door to find a tray of food. Rice, miso soup, and nikujaga, all freshly prepared and still warm. I bring it in and set it on my desk. I notice there’s a handwritten note that simply says. “Stay strong. -Dia” This was my breaking point. I clutch the note, and begin eating the meal she prepared for me so quickly that I almost choke. I lie back down in bed and clutch my pillow weeping. I can’t hurt Dia any more than this. No matter how much I love Kanan, I just can’t.


	6. Chapter 6

I’m awoken the next day by the low rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance. I realize I’m terribly late for work, but don’t feel like moving. I bury myself deeper under the covers, cocooning myself away from the world. There’s a knock on the door, and I hear it slide open a crack. 

“Ruby, I don’t know if you’re awake, but I wanted to let you know I called your office and told them you’ll be taking a sick day. They understand. I’ll also be working from home today if you need anything.” says Dia. 

It’s like she read my mind. I think back to our conversation from the day before. It can’t be true. Kanan would never do something like that. She would never hurt me or Dia. Right? I climb out of bed and tie my hair up in my old hairstyle. 

"I always liked this look on you.” 

Those words reverberate in my memories. As I’m putting my shoes on by the front door, Dia sneaks up behind me. 

“Are you sure about this?” she asks, her concern palpable. 

“I just need to be sure.” I respond listlessly. 

“I see, have a good trip.” I hear her say as I shut the door behind me.

A bus ride later, and I’m in front of Kanan’s restaurant. I try to steady my breathing. I can’t back away now. I slide open the door even though the sign in front says “Closed.” 

“Oh we’re not open yet. Please come back later.” a familiar voice says. 

Kanan looks up at me. She drops the veneer of a confident businesswoman, and rushes over, taking me in her arms. I don’t hug her back. Somehow it doesn’t feel the same as before. 

“Are you okay? What are you doing here?” 

“Me and my sister were talking last night.” I mumble, my head leaning on her chest. “Is it true?” She gently pushes me away, and looks me in the eye stoically. 

“So she told you about us.” 

I nod. She sits down at the counter, and places her hands over her eyes. She sighs, then composes herself. 

“I’m sorry I hid that from you.” she says, looking me straight in the eye. I pull up the seat at the counter next to her. “I thought that if you knew about my history with Dia, you would feel guilty about it. I didn’t want to spoil the fun.” 

That last word stings. 

Fun. 

“Was it just... fun?” I ask quietly. 

“That came out wrong.” she retorts. 

But the damage is done. At this point, there’s no reason in hiding anything. 

“I just wanted something simple. Something to take my mind off things. Is that so wrong?” she says. 

I have trouble responding.  _ Fun? Simple? _ I thought there was more here. Something deeper. Something meaningful. I can’t find the words for them, but my face says everything. Kanan stands back up, and turns her back to me. 

“I’m sorry Ruby. I think we’re just in two completely different places right now. Don’t take it personally, okay? You’re a very sweet girl.” 

I know this is my cue to leave. I make my way to the front door. I look back at Kanan, and she’s still sitting there, stiff as a statue, her back to me. As I close the door I think I hear a sob, but I don’t know what to believe anymore.

I start wandering home on foot. I feel a raindrop on my scalp. I realize I didn’t bring an umbrella with me. I find it hard to care. The rain picks up, but I continue wandering, my clothes thoroughly soaked. Too late to get a cab. I somehow make it home. I open the door, and hear the sound of footsteps running over to meet me. Dia sees my rain soaked appearance and rushes over. I don’t process anything she says to me, but I soon find myself in the bath, soaking in the tub. My senses return to me as the warmth spreads through my body down to my extremities. There’s a knock on the door. I see a silhouette through the frosted windows. 

“Can I join you.” Dia takes my silence as an invitation, and comes in. “Here, let me wash your hair.” she says with a soft, sad smile. 

I sit on the bath stool and Dia takes the hair ties off, setting them aside. She begins carefully and thoroughly washing my hair. 

“How many years has it been since we’ve taken a bath like this?” Dia asks. “A long time. Middle school maybe?” she continues talking to herself. “I remember, back then you used to be such a crybaby. You’d come running over to me over the smallest setback. But look at you know. My Ruby is now an adult who tries to solve her own problems. Don’t forget, there’s no harm in relying on your big sister once in a while, okay.” 

After rinsing me off with the shower head, she pours a bucket of warm water over me to get rid of the last remaining suds. The rush of hot water snaps me out of my funk, and I continue washing myself, before the two of us quietly enjoy a soak in the tub together.

We get out of the bath and Dia dries and brushes my hair like she always did in the past. I let her go ahead. I think I need this right now. When she finishes, I turn to her. 

“Onee-chan, can I sleep with you tonight?” She smiles reassuringly. 

“Of course,” she responds. 

I’m not a kid anymore, but at times like this I wish I still was. Things were so much easier back then. I make my way to Dia’s room, carrying my pillow. Her futon is laid out, and she’s sitting beside it in her nightgown, inviting me in. I snuggle under the covers and she joins me, pulling my face to her chest. I grab onto her tightly and begin to sob uncontrollably. She places her hand on my head, and begins to stroke it soothingly. 

“There, there.” she says. “Your first heartbreak is always the most painful.” 

I believe it. I’m sure nobody knows that feeling better than my sister.


	7. Chapter 7

he clock strikes six and some of my coworkers begin packing their things and heading home. 

“Kurosawa-san, I’ll be heading off now.” says the girl at the desk next to me. 

“Oh… ok...” I say, my head in the clouds. “I mean, good work today!” I snap back into it, just in time to save face. It’s been about a month since my confrontation with Kanan. I needed a few days away from it all, and Dia was there to support me the whole time. She took some time out of her busy schedule to visit an onsen with me to help me take my mind off things. Even as an adult, I don’t know what I’d do without her. Since coming back to work, my heart hasn’t been in it at all. I find myself staying late doing nothing in particular, just because it helps me not think about it. I soon realize the office is dead quiet. Everyone else already took off. Guess this is my cue to leave too. As I’m riding the train back to Numazu, I realize it’s payday. I remember how much joy this one day of the month used to give me, and now it’s just a day like any other. 

Arriving at my station, I walk out and look down the long road towards the harbor. I haven’t been back to that area since then. I didn’t want to risk running into Kanan. I walk towards the bus stop, mentally preparing myself to go home and have a nice calm dinner with my family, when my legs keep moving. My brain tells my legs to stop, but my heart tells me to keep moving. It makes no sense, but something inside is telling me that I need to go there. I need to see Kanan. I pick up the pace as I make my way down the road. I throw off my heels and keep running, ignoring the stares from passersby. All the memories of my days with Kanan rush through my head. The way she cried on the night we first kissed, the way her hand flinched that morning Dia found out, something about her words on the last day we spoke. All the good and the bad moments, all precious and important to me come back to me. And it all tells me that there’s something wrong. Something I didn’t notice.

I find myself in front of Kanan’s restaurant, thoroughly out of breath. She should be open, but the lights are dim. There’s a handwritten sign on the door apologizing for taking an unexpected day off. Something about the sign doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t look like Kanan’s usual writing. I slide open the door, and Kanan immediately turns her head to me, her face pale and her eyes bloodshot, with deep dark bags under them. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” she says to me. Not an ounce of her usual confidence is present in her voice. I step inside, the smooth stone floor soothe the blisters on my feet. I look over the counter and see a small filet of tuna sliced to pieces, but with none of the precision that I’d expect from Kanan’s usual handiwork. I look over at her hands. In one hand is the trusty knife gifted to her by Mari. Her grip is loose, and it looks like a light breeze could knock it out of her hands. Both her hands are trembling. She tries to hide her hands from me. 

“I-I’m closed today. Sorry Ruby, I won’t prepare anything, not even for you.” 

I walk behind the counter without saying a word. Kanan backs away, but gets trapped in a corner. 

“G-get back.” she says, lifting the knife up at me. 

I take a step towards her. Deep in my heart, I know she will never hurt me. 

“Kanan,” I ask calmly, “What’s wrong with your hands?” I reach out and touch the hand holding the knife. She winces in pain and drops the knife. She panics and drops down to pick it up, but I beat her to it, gently lifting it up and putting the sheath back on, setting it aside. 

Kanan turns her back to me, still crouched on the ground. 

“P-please don’t look at me.” she says, her voice cracking. 

I get on my knees and try to turn her around by her shoulders. She loses her balance and falls over. She made no attempt to break her fall. I look at her hands, and she attempts to hide them away, but I get a good, strong grip on her wrist. At this point she’s in tears from both her wounded hands and pride. 

“It hurts. Please stop.” she says through her sobs. Her fingers are all contorted. Just moving them is causing her agony. I let go of her wrist, realizing that I’m only making the pain worse. I get a block of ice from the freezer and press it against her wrist. She calms down as the pain subsides. 

I ask her again. 

“Kanan, what’s wrong with your hands?” 

She looks at me glumly as she holds them out in between us. 

“The doctor says it’s something like carpal tunnel syndrome. Got it from overworking myself. I think it might be partially genetic too. Because of that, my hands don’t work the way they’re supposed to.” 

“How long has this been going on for?” 

“The pain started getting really bad about a year ago. I could usually keep it under control with ointment and painkillers, but recently it’s gotten a lot worse.” 

Her recoiling hand from that one morning flashes through my mind again. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why not my sister?” I pause. “...Why not me?” 

Kanan scoffs at this. 

“Ruby, you know how busy your sister is. I was already bothering her enough as it is having her help me with my finances.” 

I begin putting the pieces together. 

“Is that why you ended things with her?” 

She looks down sullenly. 

“Yeah. I couldn’t bear to make her shoulder any more of my problems. I care about her so much, but no matter how much I wanted to be with her, somehow circumstances never seem to be right.” 

I feel a pang in my chest. There was a kindness behind her cruelty. If only Dia knew. She looks me in the eyes. As terrible as she looks, they’re the same kind eyes I found myself constantly getting lost in before. 

“Ruby, I know I never told you this before, but the time we spent together helped me deal with the pain more than anything else. Even though my business was failing, even though my body was failing, when you asked me to teach you, it made me feel like what I was doing was meaningful. It kept me strong. I can’t thank you enough.” 

I begin to understand her circumstances a bit more. We all need someone there to support us. Just like how Dia supported me when I was at my lowest point. Yet it’s so very hard to reach out and ask for help, especially for someone like Kanan who always had to be strong for the rest of us. It’s such a lonely position to be in.

“So what’s next? What will happen to the store?” I ask her. 

“Ruby, the shop is finished.” Kanan says, tearing up and beginning to sniffle. “I’ve put off the surgery long enough, and even if it goes well, I’ll never get the full strength of my hands back. Besides, I don’t have a successor, and even if I did, this business is dying. It’s over. I’m done. It was nice while it lasted.” 

Kanan is sobbing by the end. I embrace her and let her cry on my shoulder. Her whole world is collapsing, and she’s so lost. 

“Ruby… What do I do?” she asks. 

One word from before calls out to me. 

“Kanan.” I say, as I hold her at arm's length. She looks at me with a confused expression. I kiss her gently. Just enough for my feelings to get through to her. I stand back up and she looks straight up at me, completely dazed. It’s not often I have the high ground over her. I get out from behind the counter and head for the door. 

“Kanan, please leave it to me.” 

I shut the door behind me. I have a lot of work to do.


	8. Chapter 8

I take a deep breath as I finish tying my hair up. Recently I’ve started feeling more at ease with this look. I don’t care if it makes me look more childish. I go back to my desk and gather a stack of documents I had prepared. I double check that everything is in order. I can do this. I walk towards the living room. As per usual on a Sunday, Dia is hard at work dealing with financial documents. She must be advising half the city at this point. I step inside. 

“Excuse me onee-chan. Do you have a moment?” She looks at me over her reading glasses. 

“Oh, Ruby, please, come in.” I come inside and take a seat opposite her in a kneeling position. She can immediately tell this isn’t going to be a simple conversation. I present the documents I prepared to her, being careful not to knock over one of her piles of ledgers. She opens to the first page and begins reading, quickly absorbing everything on it. Her expression changes from one of curiosity to concern, her brow furrowing as she continues. When she reaches the end, she calmly closes it and sets it down in front of her. 

“So you want to open a restaurant?” she asks. 

“Yes.” 

“And what’s more, you want to open a sushi restaurant. Is that right?” she asks, tapping at my proposal with her index finger. 

“Yes.” I respond, trying to keep my confidence up. I feel like she’s testing me. 

“Tell me, do you think you have nearly enough experience to start becoming a sushi chef.” 

“Dia, Kanan taught me a lot more than you know. I think I can handle this.” 

“So Kanan put you up to this?” she asks, the rate of tapping accelerating. 

“No. This was my decision, and mine alone.” 

“Ok, well what makes you think you will succeed where Kanan failed?” The words sting, but I don’t let them get to me. 

“I believe that Kanan’s shortcomings were from location. Even though she could cut down on delivery costs for fish by being close to the fish market, it was too far from the station to attract random passersby.” I clear my throat. “That’s why, as I you saw in my proposal, I would like to use the space in the shopping center by Numazu station.” Dia flips back to that page of my proposal, giving it another look. 

“And, how will you pay for this?” she asks. I take out my bankbook and slide it across the table to her. She looks at it, and is caught off guard. 

“I’ve been very careful with my money since I joined the workforce.” I tell her. “I won’t be able to pay it off immediately, but I should be able to put a down payment and then some.” 

Dia flips through the rest of my proposal again. 

“It’s true that if you put every drop of your savings into this, you could pay the upfront costs for the space, and maybe some basic equipment. But what about health inspection fees? What about the costs of renovations?” 

She begins listing countless fees and taxes from memory. I knew I would have more to deal with after setting up shop, but I had no idea it would be this overwhelming. I look down at my hands. I guess I overestimated myself. Dia’s verbal assault continues. 

“And, did you think I was going to help you with all this? Is that why you came to me? When I already have all this to deal with.” She says pointing at the stacks of other people’s financial records in front of her.   
That I know isn’t true. 

“No!” I say with determination. “I didn’t come here asking for your help. This is something I want to build on my own. All I wanted was your blessing.” 

“Ruby, you’re an adult now. You can make your own decisions, but I will not approve of a half-baked one like this.” she says slamming her palm down on my proposal. 

I start to shut down. I guess I should retreat while I can. 

“Then let me help her.” a voice from outside says. 

We both look in that direction. We see Kanan round the corner. She waves to us, her forearms each in a brace. Dia is speechless. 

“Your hands...” she whispers. 

Kanan walks up and takes a look at my proposal. 

“Hmm… this looks like a good spot for a shop. I probably should have gone there in the first place.” She walks around the table and sits next to me. 

“Dia, I originally came here to formally tell you that I was closing my shop. As you can see, I’m in no position to be working there anymore.” she says showing her arms. “However, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, so I guess the plan has changed a bit.” She stares her straight in the eye. 

“Dia, I would like to support Ruby in establishing her restaurant. I may not be as financially savvy as you, but I do at least know what she needs to do to get things up and running. Furthermore...” She takes a deep breath. “I would like to use some of the money from the sale of my shop to help fund hers. I’ll let you figure out how much I can spare. This is the last thing I will ask of you as my accountant.” 

Dia is utterly dumbfounded by the sudden turn of events. She closes her eyes for a moment to regain her senses, then looks up at Kanan.

“Why would you go this far? Why would you take this risk?” 

Kanan doesn’t hesitate in her response. 

“Because I believe in Ruby and her dream. And I wish to support her the same way she did mine.” 

“And if she fails?” 

“Then we will share that failure.” 

Dia doesn’t have anything else to say to this. She takes off her glasses and chuckles softly. 

“Oh why is everyone I love such a fool.” She turns to her laptop, opens up a spreadsheet, and turns the monitor towards me. “Truth be told, I had been setting aside and investing some money for your sake Ruby. I had originally planned to give it to you when you got married so you could buy yourself a house, but I think this is more immediately pressing.” 

I cover my mouth and tears begin to well up in my eyes. 

“Dia… I...” I run over to her and hug her tight. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” I repeat nonstop, tears of joy flowing out. She just smiles and hugs me back. Kanan sits down next to us. For the first time in ages, I hear her say to both of us. 

“Let’s hug.” The nostalgia of hearing these words breaks Dia. She begins to tear up, as Kanan embraces the two of us. The three of us sit in a pile, crying and laughing for a good few minutes, before we are able to compose ourselves. 

Dia clears her throat. 

“Well, then, it looks like I have a busy day ahead of me Monday. I’ll give that pudding shop a call and see if they are still interested in the space. Hopefully their previous offer still stands. Now if you two will excuse me, I need to finish all this today, or half the city will be after my head.” We laugh nervously. She might not be joking here.

I walk Kanan to the front door. I look down at her hands in the thick braces. 

“How are they?” I ask quietly. 

“The surgery went well and the pain is mostly gone, but I won’t be doing any heavy lifting any time soon.” 

I begin stroking her fingertips. She doesn’t flinch at all. 

“So what next?” I ask, looking up at her, still holding her hands in my own. 

“Well, I’m gonna need to find a new job. I won’t be of much use to the dive shop in this condition. I guess once you get settled in, I could give the office worker life a try. I think one will have an opening pretty soon.” she says to me with a wink. 

“I’ll put in a good word for you.” I respond. 

“We have a long road ahead of us Ruby, when do you want to start?” 

“Now.” I respond. 

“Now? No need to rush.” 

“Now.” I repeat as I stand on my tip toes and kiss Kanan. We hold each other tight at the doorway, neither of us wanting to let this joyous moment, the first of many to come, to end.


	9. Epilogue

I start off the dinner rush the same way I always do, tying up my hair in two pigtails, and thoroughly washing my hands. I had been letting my employees handle things today on their own up until now, but now that it’s evening and people are coming in full force, I know they need backup. I walk behind the sushi bar and see the restaurant is bustling with people. It’s a Friday night so people are celebrating the end of the week with friends and good food. Every seat is full and there’s a line of hungry customers outside the door too. Every seat but one, a seat in the corner closest to me which has a small “Reserved” sign on it. Tonight is a special night after all. 

As I prepare a large order for one of the tables, I see a familiar figure at the entrance out of the corner of my eye. 

“Welcome!” I yell out, and all my employees chime in too. A woman with dark blue shoulder length hair wearing a pants suit walks in, her heels clicking against the hardwood floor. I set aside the reserved sign, and prepare a warm towel for her. 

“Happy payday,” I tell her. “Shall I get you the usual?” 

“Please. And a beer.” 

We start chatting as I prepare her food. 

“So how’s work?” I ask. 

“I’ll say I’ve been settling in pretty well. I do miss being physically active, but a desk job is perhaps for the best.” she says as she rubs her hands together. 

“I’m still not used to seeing you with short hair.” I tell her. She twirls the ends with her fingertips. 

“Well, I figured since I was entering a new chapter in my life, a change in hairstyle was in order.” 

“I couldn’t agree more.” I tell her, as I begin putting the finishing touches on her food. “Sorry for the wait,” I tell her, “One special kaisen don.” I present it to her and her face begins to glow at the balanced arrangement of seafood, all fresh, and all local. 

She reaches for a pair of chopsticks, and is about to dig in when I stop her. 

“If I may.” I say as I step out from behind the counter, wiping my hands with a towel. I pull a hair tie out from one of my pockets, and tie her hair up in a ponytail. Much shorter than it used to be, but she can still pull it off. I place my hands on her shoulders, and lean in and whisper so nobody else can hear me. 

“I always liked this look on you.” 

She turns towards me, beet red, her emerald green eyes shimmering. 

“M-mom...” she hisses. 

I chuckle. 

“Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t help it. You look so much like Kanan when she was your age. Now eat up.” 

I step into the office in the back. Kanan is at the computer crunching a few numbers. She still has her same long ponytail, but now with an elegant streak of grey running down the length of it. I sneak up behind her and hug her. 

“So how is she?” she asks, taking a break from her work. 

“I couldn’t be more proud. I wouldn’t go out there though, I think I already embarrassed her enough tonight.” 

“Aww. Well I’ll have plenty of time to ask her about her day when we get home.” she says. 

I grab a chair next to her, and we sit together holding hands. It’s been a tumultuous couple of decades but we managed to achieve our dreams together. We look at the framed photos on the wall featuring all the things we love. Each other, our friends, our family, and this city that brought it all together.


	10. Side Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A side story that takes place before the epilogue from Kanan's perspective.

It’s midafternoon on a Friday. Ruby and I are carefully checking the inventory of the shop to make sure we have everything we need for the evening rush. She’s handling the food while I’m going through the drinks. After finishing going through our soft drinks, I pause and look in her direction. Ruby is going through the fish, diligently checking each cut of fish that had been delivered earlier that day, and jotting down how many kilograms of each we have. I smile. She’s so cute when she’s focused like that. Ruby’s sushi shop has been open for about 6 months now, and business is doing well. Looks like that move to the station was the right call. She still isn’t at the point where she can hire employees, so I’ve been helping out where I can, mostly serving drinks and taking orders while she handles the food. Just like now, she’s so focused when she’s preparing her sushi, almost to a fault. A little conversation here and there is necessary to make people feel at home, and eventually become regulars. After all, isn’t that why you kept coming to my shop Ruby? I smile nostalgically and move on to the liquor. Good, the beer kegs are still full. I check on the sake, and notice that we have fewer than usual for a Friday.

“Hey, Ruby! Ruby!” I call out to her. Her concentration breaks the second time I call her name. She turns towards me. “We only have 2 bottles of the usual sake. Don’t we usually need at least 4 more?” She jumps up in surprise.

“Oh no, I forgot to place the usual order with the liquor store!” she squeaks, her pigtails perking up as she panics. “What do I do, what do I do? It’s only a couple of hours until the dinner rush.” I walk up to her and hug her, trying to calm her down.

“Hey there, don’t worry. The owner is an aunt of mine. Let me give her a call, I’m sure she’ll understand.” Ruby looks up at me, her tear filled eyes silently asking if it will really be okay. “Relax, she did last minute deliveries for me all the time.” I stroke her head her breathing steadies. She’s still so new to this, I don’t blame her for getting this panicked. 

I pull out my phone, and give my aunt a call. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ruby fidgeting nervously. I hang up my phone. 

“So, there’s good news and bad news.” Ruby stares at me with bated breath. “The good news is that they still have that sake in stock, and they’ll sell it to us at the usual rate. No extra fees or anything.” She breathes a sigh of relief. 

“The bad news is that their truck is getting repaired, so they can’t deliver it.” She begins panicking again. I pat her on the head. “Hey there, don’t worry. They’re just down the street. I can pick it up, no sweat.” 

“Kanan, are you sure? What about your hands?” 

“It’ll be fine. I’ve been doing my physical therapy and I’m getting better every day. See, doesn’t hurt anymore.” I wiggle my fingers in front of her face, tickling her nose in the process. She winces slightly and backs away. 

“Okay, if you insist.” I grab my jacket from the back room and head towards the front door. 

As I’m about to step out, Ruby calls out to me. 

“Kanan!” 

I turn around. 

“I love you.” she says, blushing slightly. 

I give her a wink and playfully blow her a kiss as I run out the door. I get to the street level, and begin running with all my might. I feel my face turning red. 

_Why can’t I just tell her I love her back like a normal person._

I steady my pace to a brisk jog as I go down the main street. The sky is dark and I hear thunder rumbling in the distance. I better get this over with before the rain starts coming down. I feel a few drops hit my face as I make my way into the liquor store. I greet my aunt who has the crate with the bottles of sake ready by the entrance. I sign for it and lift the crate up. I feel a slight pain in my wrist as I do so. It’s a bit heavier than I expected. 

_You can handle this._

My aunt holds the door open as I waddle out. The rain starts to pick up as I slowly jog down the street. I feel the pain in my wrists getting worse and worse. 

_It’s not that far. Just keep going._

It’s pouring now. My clothes have completely soaked up the rain and are weighing me down. _Just a few more blocks. You’ve got this._ I begin gasping for breath. My hands are screaming in pain. My rhythm is completely thrown off. I feel dizzy. And then suddenly, I hit a loose tile on the street. I trip over and the crate goes flying out of my hands. My sense of time slows down. I see the bottles hit the ground one by one. Most land around their base, with a loud clink. But one bottle lands right on the neck which shatters, sake splashing out and flowing into the gutter with the rain.

I stare at the mess in front of me, completely speechless. I stare down at my hands. They’re shaking just like that night Ruby confronted me at the restaurant. I reach out for one of the intact bottles, but my grip strength still hasn’t returned. 

_Pathetic. You’re utterly pathetic. You can’t even handle a simple errand. You said you would guide and support her, but you can’t even pick up a bottle of liquor. Absolutely worthless._

I slump over in shame, hoping that the rain will also just wash me away too.

The rain suddenly stops. I look up and see someone standing over my with a large black umbrella. Behind her, a taxi is idling, its hazard lights blinking. She hands me a handkerchief, which I use to wipe the rain and tears from my eyes. Now that I can focus properly, I see that it’s Dia standing over me. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” 

“I could ask you the same thing. I was on my way back from the city council meeting when I saw this sad sight and couldn’t sit by idly. Now hurry up and get in the car. You’ll catch a cold.” 

She signals to the driver who pops open the door. As I drift towards the car, the driver runs out, fumbling with an umbrella of his own as he and Dia gather the remaining bottles in the crate and load them in the trunk. All I can do is sit there, listening to the pitter patter of raindrops on the roof. Eventually, the two of them join me back in the car, and Dia tells the driver to head to the mall where Ruby’s restaurant is. I stare down at my feet, water dripping from my face onto the upholstery with dense, rhythmic thuds. 

“So, let me guess, you were out of liquor and you volunteered to go pick it up.” 

I nod. Nothing gets past Dia. 

“And, why didn’t you call a cab to drive you back? Or ask one of the other shops if you could borrow their car? Or anything besides running back with more weight than you can carry.” 

She begins scratching her head in frustration. 

“I thought I could handle it on my own. No, not exactly. I wanted to handle it on my own.” I say quietly. 

Dia sighs again. 

“I was hoping that part of you would change after what you went through.” 

I don’t respond. She’s right. 

The car stops. It really wasn’t a long ride. We’re in the loading bay behind the mall. Dia pays the driver and we both step out. The trunk pops open. I reach for the crate, but Dia beats me to it, lifting it up with ease. 

“You’ve done plenty. Wait here.” She trots over to the service elevator, and presses the button, as she steps inside, I reach out to her. 

“Dia!” I call out. 

She turns back towards me. 

“Please don’t tell her.” 

She just stares at me, a look of sad understanding on her face. The door closes, and I’m left alone under the awning, listening to the rain. I sit on a bench and bury my face in my hands. 

_How can you face Ruby now. How can you even think about asking her that._

I wallow in self pity for what feels like hours, even though it was probably just a couple minutes. A soft towel flutters onto my head. I look back up, and Dia is standing there holding a paper bag. 

“I got you a towel and a change of clothes. Now dry off and get changed.” she says, pointing to the bathroom just a few meters away. 

I clutch the bag to my chest and step into the bathroom. I peel the wet clothes off my skin, throwing them on the dirty tiles with a loud splat. I pull the clothes out of the Uniqlo bag. Just a simple t-shirt, sweatpants, and a hoodie. She probably just grabbed the first thing off the rack that looked like would fit me. 

I head back outside and Dia is sitting on the bench sipping on a warm bottle of tea. She hands me a can of coffee that was sitting next to her. I press the warm can into my cold hands before taking a sip. The warmth spreads through me. Dark and bitter, just the way I like it. I turn to Dia. 

“So you remember how I like my coffee?” 

“How could I ever forget.” 

We both sit there in silence making our way through our drinks. I decide that I need to be the one to break the silence. 

“So what did you tell Ruby?” 

“I told her the truth, I ran into you carrying the liquor and gave you a lift back to the mall since you were soaking wet. I wasn’t going to lie to my sister.” 

I relax. 

“So you didn’t tell her about my mishap.” 

“I don’t like omitting the truth, but I did respect your wishes.” 

“How much do I owe you for these by the way?” I ask pulling on hoodie 

“You don’t owe me anything. Those are from Ruby. When I told her what happened, she pulled money out of the register and told me to get you something new to wear right away. Even told me what size you wear.” 

_So that’s why they fit just right._

This just makes the humiliation even worse. I can’t do anything without Ruby’s help. 

“God, I’m such a mess.” I mutter to myself. 

“And why do you say that?” Dia asks curiously. 

“Look at me. All I ever do is cause trouble for Ruby. I mess up an important delivery, and I’m making her spend her hard earned money on me to cover for my mistake. I can’t help her in the kitchen because of these stupid hands, so what good am I.” 

Dia lightly smacks me upside the head. Not hard enough to hurt, but definitely hard enough to catch me off guard. 

“What was that for?” 

“I thought you were smarter than that.” Dia takes another sip of tea. “Kanan, I won’t deny that the transition you went through was a rough one. I saw it happen first hand. However, just because you’re not in charge anymore doesn’t mean you’re not important.” She places her hand on my head and starts stroking my damp hair. “Whenever Ruby comes home on her day off, she’ll vent to me about all her problems. About how she finds the mall owner intimidating, or how she doesn’t understand her tax documents. However, whenever she talks about you, it’s nothing but praise. She wouldn’t still be running her shop if it weren’t for you.” 

A tear rolls down my cheek. I find it hard to believe but Dia wouldn’t lie to me just to make me feel better. 

“You gave my precious little sister a dream to work towards, and you’ve helped her every step along the way. You’ve done plenty Kanan.” she says as she pulls me in for a hug. I grab her even tighter, tears rolling down my cheek. 

We sit there together for a few minutes before I finally calm down. Dia pulls out the same handkerchief as before and begins dabbing my face. 

“What is with us and crying in the rain.” she says, chuckling. 

I start to laugh, remembering precious moments from our high school years. 

“Thank you Dia. I think that’s what I needed to hear. I think I can finally work up the courage.” 

Dia gives me a puzzled look as she reaches for her drink. 

“I want to ask Ruby to marry me.” I say as I drum my fingertips together, the pain from before having long subsided. 

Dia coughs as she chokes on her tea. 

“M-m-m-marriage?!” she stammers out. “Since when have you two been planning this?!” she asks with an interrogational tone. 

“Ruby doesn’t know yet, but I’ve been thinking about it for about a month now.” 

“And, when were you going to ask our parents for permission?!” 

“Actually, I thought from the beginning that I would ask you first.” 

“Why? I’m not the head of the house or anything.” 

“I know, but if you accepted it, I don’t think your dad would say no either.” 

Dia turns away blushing as she scratches at her mole just like old times. She knows I’m not wrong 

“I don’t know how I feel about my little sister getting married before me, but if you two are serious about it...” 

I give Dia a nudge. 

“Please take care of me from now on… onee-chan.” 

Dia turns bright red, and gives me a shove. 

“I’m only a month older than you! You have no right to call me that!” 

I laugh heartily as I pull my ponytail into two pigtails. 

“Onee-chan, please give Kanan and I your blessing.” I say in my best Ruby impression. Dia throws the empty tea bottle at me which completely misses its mark and goes off clattering in some dark corner of the parking lot. We sit together laughing like old times. 

Dia looks at the watch on her wrist. 

“Look at the time. Isn’t it about time for the dinner rush?” 

“Oh, you’re right. Ruby’s going to need my help.” I get off the bench and stretch as I look up at the sky. The rain has subsided, and the sky now a fantastical pink from the setting sun. 

We walk into the elevator together and make our way to Ruby’s restaurant. Dia figured that she might as well pay the place a visit since it’s dinnertime and she’s already here. We stand a few meters in front of the restaurant. I take a deep breath. I feel nervous about going back in after everything that happened today. Dia places her hands on my shoulders reassuringly. 

“You love her right?” she asks me suddenly. 

“Yeah.”

“Then never let her forget that.” 

“Of course.” 

“B-b-but... don’t forget... I love her more.” 

I glance at Dia out of the corner of my eye. Her lip is quivering nervously. It’s going to take a while for everything to sink in. She gives me a gentle push, and I step into the store, any doubts I had in my heart completely washed away.

**Author's Note:**

> A little context for this. A friend and I were visiting Numazu, and the local businesses have [stamps](https://www.llsunshine-numazu.jp/#modal) of the characters working there. However, there's one stamp we couldn't get, a Kanan one where she's working in a sushi restaurant, since the shop closed and was replaced with a pudding shop. However, we found another sushi place with Ruby on it, and we joked about Ruby succeeding Kanan's shop after her business failed. Well that joke turning into a writing prompt which turned into 15000 words. It's been years since I did any creative writing so this was a good way to burn creative energy after a long work day, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.


End file.
